Family of 4

Family of 4

Saturday, February 23, 2013

diapers to dorms

We all know them, in fact you might be one of them, sometimes I am one of them.... the people that are never happy with where they are in their lives.  The ones who are always wishing away the days longing for the next step.  I'm not saying you're wrong in doing so, it's just sort of been driving me crazy lately.  Wishing for a relationship... a wedding.... a new house.... to be pregnant.... to have a baby..... etc.  Maybe it's about feeling accomplished? Maybe it's just dissatisfaction?  But on top of this constant "looking to the future" each stage holds constant complaints about what was so wished for.  Wishing for a house just to complain about the responsibilities that come with it.  Wishing for a pregnancy just to complain about every ache and pain. Wishing for a baby only to complain about sleeplessness and fatigue.  {Side bar- Let me just remind you/myself that there are people that only dream of the blessings we have.  He only dreams about having a warm home to sleep in, let alone the 4 bedroom 2.5 bath "mansion" that you own. She only imagines feeling that little baby kick inside her womb and push its little feet into her ribs making it difficult to breathe.  Infertility comes in many forms and is so painful.  Those parents can no longer hold their child on this earth but look forward to holding their child somewhere in eternity due to a heart-wrenching tragedy that took his life away.  I know... moving on.}

I guess the reason it has bothered me so is because of where I've been... At least that is what I've come to assume.  I don't really know... and I know at times I am guilty of the other. But I'm here wishing with every ounce of me that I could just slow things down.  That I could find a way to hold on to each moment that passes.  That I could find some magic wand  time machine something that would help me to remember every second of this precious time.  I don't want to forget.  I don't want to let my baby grow up... so, I ask myself.... "Is this really better than wishing for the next stage?" I mean, I know that there has to be a balance between treasuring the moment and looking forward to the future.  Oh, that's so hard!

I know he's here (Anderson, that is) for the same purpose I am.. to further the Kingdom.  I am enjoying each stage of his development and truly love watching him learn, but I have this dilemma of the heart.  Each time he learns something, he becomes more independent of me.  He needs me less and I want him more.  For nine months it was up to God and me to sustain his little life.  I understand that he's only six months old and we're far from moving into the dorms, but I see it happening in my mind's eye and it is too quick.  I miss him already.

 Children are a heritage from the Lord, 
offspring a reward from Him.
~Psalm 127:3~