Well, I suppose this has waited long enough. I've had this blog page open for the last week trying to think about how to write my next post.
I went to the New Vision Winter Women's Event last weekend and really enjoyed my time there. The guest speaker, Lisa Whittle, spoke on telling your story. I can't say that it was anything profound for me... I mean I guess I have been learning a lot of things that she talked about on my own in the past two years. However, it was gratifying to hear someone else confirm that your story does not define you. Our stories consists of experiences, good and bad, that we have throughout our lives, but that is not all. The most powerful part of our stories is what God has done to change us through them.
When I first started this blog, I told my story and shared the beginnings of my journey with you. I have found that it is the sweetest kind of story. God is teaching me new things about him all the time. I have been so blessed, even in my hurt, to find him waiting for me each time I turn around. In the moments that I forget that he is bigger than this life He never ceases to amaze me with his timing and faithfulness. Equally so, I am amazed that I so easily turn away and forget.
I wanted to share all of this to tell you that my story is changing once again. On December 26th, 2011 we found out that we were expecting. Through several weeks of hormone checks and ultrasounds, things are good. I am officially 11 weeks along and baby #4 is the picture of health.
Most recently, I've been learning a lot about fear and faith. As you can probably imagine, because of our history, I have been battling a lot of anxiety and fear. God truly has been revealing to me that faith in Him is the only solution. This week I have been meditating on his word in Ephesians.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:16-21 NIV)
He truly is able to do "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." Those words really struck me this week. I know that He is bigger than my fears of loss. I know that He is bigger than my fear of hurt and tears. I know that He is bigger than my fear of losing another baby. And no matter, how many times the doctors say, "Everything looks normal, you shouldn't be worried," I can't get that into my head. The only thing that seems to help are His constant reminders that He is GOOD. In a world of change and confusion, He is constant. I am coming to realize that if I can't give this to Him, this is not the end of anything. If this baby makes it into our arms, then I will be worrying forever! So, it has to start now.
As we continue to pray over this little life and the coming months of development and growth, We ask that you pray with us. We will keep you updated as often as possible. Thank you in advance for your love and support during this terrifying and exciting time. :)
