Transitions

I think one reason I am not a good blogger is because there is so much to say.... on so many different topics... and I get overwhelmed with which one to go with.  I start thinking about all the different things that are changing or that I am learning and I just can't choose, so things go unwritten.

As most of you know, we are getting closer and closer to meeting our little boy.  I truly can't believe that we are only 8 weeks away from our due date.  There is still much to do and decide, but he's almost here!

With the excitement of a new baby comes so many wonderful things, but also things that are difficult to let change.

Five years ago, I entered into a transition time when I married James, who is still the love of my life.  I left home and a job I loved, got a new roommate, moved to a city in which I knew no one, started attending a new church, and wondered... "What's wrong with me?  Is it normal to feel this way?"  I soon realized that while I was excited for the new blessings that God had given, I was grieving the things that were slowly becoming less a part of my life.

Our trip to Destin last week

Now just when I thought I was getting the hang of things, here we go again.  My life is once again changing so quickly that I'm not sure I can keep up.  A baby is coming!  I guess I didn't understand - and probably still don't - what all that entails.  The precious moments of "just us" are going to disappear for a while.  Though I know we can make time for date nights and such, it will be much different.  No more spontaneous dates alone, quick trips to a bed and breakfast, or lazy Saturday mornings spent eating a late breakfast and snuggling up on the couch.  James and I will be thinking about this little guy and planning around him for a long, long time!

I said goodbye to the most wonderful job I have ever had.  Each time my job place has changed over the last few years, there have been some bittersweet moments.  But, nothing can compare to the family God gave me at Brown's Chapel.  A wonderful boss, a fabulous team to work with, children that enrich my life so much, and truly, a family that I have shared so much with.  It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done to hand in that resignation letter.  But, I tell people that my real career is about to begin.  I can't think of a more humbling and gratifying career that to become a mother.  I just pray that everyday God shows me exactly what to do and how to do it with patience and grace.

Last goodbyes to my Brown's Chapel Classroom

I said goodbye to the only car I have ever owned.  My little red mustang took a trip to Colorado a couple of weeks ago.  I didn't think it would effect me as it did, but as I watched it drive away without me, the tears came.  Isn't it silly to be so attached to something so temporary?  Yes, it is a good car, but it isn't going to last forever.

Goodbye Sally

Hello Baby-mobile

I said goodbye to some very dear friends.  Though this is not baby-related, they didn't leave because I'm pregnant.... It was so difficult to pack their things in that big truck and let them leave.  I know God has big plans for them.  There is no doubt in my mind that they are doing His will and are furthering His kingdom, but my own selfishness wanted them so badly to stay here with us.  The friendship is not over, just different.

Casey, Eric, and Elle getting ready to say goodbye.

James and his favorite little buddy, Elle.

One last family picture: Casey, Charlotte, Elle, and Eric

I'm saying goodbye to so many things, but also saying hello to so many more.  A new car, sweet little clothes, new paint colors, sweet kisses on baby toes, coos and babbles, watching James become a daddy, and precious moments of all kinds.  One of the most difficult things that I have had to get used to is having a nursery in my house.  It seemed so permanent to start changing things like that... and if I have learned anything about this life, it's that nothing is permanent.  I struggled knowing that there is no guarantee that a baby will be sleeping in that room... there is no rule that says once you get to a certain point in your pregnancy, everything will be perfect and nothing can go wrong.  Having a nursery in my house was like saying, "Okay!  This is it, in just a few months, you will have a baby in your arms."  But I knew, without a doubt, this might not be the case.  I know that sometimes life doesn't go as you plan.  I know that sometimes unexplainable things happen and leave you heartbroken and I didn't want to have a constant reminder of that in my house.  I didn't want to be tempted to sit and sulk and think about all the might-have-beens in that room if our little one never made it past the boundaries of my body.

Mom and James starting to paint the nursery.

 

Trying to get things arranged.

It's not finished yet, but we're getting closer!

So, I guess you could say that this has been my greatest leap of faith in the past months.  (Having baby showers and getting a nursery ready.)  I know it must sound silly to some, but it took so much to say "okay, let's get ready for baby."  Faith to know that God's plan is in action.  Faith to know that a nursery, even if for some reason not needed, will not be my downfall.  Faith to know that leaving somethings behind to experience others will be rewarding.  Faith to know that no matter what happens, God loves this little boy more than I do. 

HE LOVES HIM MORE THAN I DO!!

We have prayed for him to come, and now he is coming!  (I don't know why I am surprised to have answered prayer.)  Praise God for his faithfulness.  Each day brings a new challenge and he is always there.  Please continue to pray for our little growing family.  Pray for peace as we prepare and strength in laboring to bring him into the world.  I know we have so much to learn.  We are so thankful that we don't have to  do it alone.

The Sweetest Story

Well, I suppose this has waited long enough.  I've had this blog page open for the last week trying to think about how to write my next post. 


I went to the New Vision Winter Women's Event last weekend and really enjoyed my time there.  The guest speaker, Lisa Whittle, spoke on telling your story.  I can't say that it was anything profound for me... I mean I guess I have been learning a lot of things that she talked about on my own in the past two years.  However, it was gratifying to hear someone else confirm that your story does not define you.  Our stories consists of experiences, good and bad, that we have throughout our lives, but that is not all.  The most powerful part of our stories is what God has done to change us through them. 


When I first started this blog, I told my story and shared the beginnings of my journey with you.  I have found that it is the sweetest kind of story.  God is teaching me new things about him all the time.  I have been so blessed, even in my hurt, to find him waiting for me each time I turn around.  In the moments that I forget that he is bigger than this life He never ceases to amaze me with his timing and faithfulness.  Equally so, I am amazed that I so easily turn away and forget. 


I wanted to share all of this to tell you that my story is changing once again.  On December 26th, 2011 we found out that we were expecting.  Through several weeks of hormone checks and ultrasounds, things are good.  I am officially 11 weeks along and baby #4 is the picture of health. 

Most recently, I've been learning a lot about fear and faith.  As you can probably imagine, because of our history, I have been battling a lot of anxiety and fear. God truly has been revealing to me that faith in Him is the only solution.  This week I have been meditating on his word in Ephesians.  

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:16-21 NIV)

 He truly is able to do "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." Those words really struck me this week.  I know that He is bigger than my fears of loss.  I know that He is bigger than my fear of hurt and tears.  I know that He is bigger than my fear of losing another baby.  And no matter, how many times the doctors say, "Everything looks normal, you shouldn't be worried," I can't get that into my head.  The only thing that seems to help are His constant reminders that He is GOOD.  In a world of  change and confusion, He is constant.   I am coming to realize that if I can't give this to Him, this is not the end of anything.  If this baby makes it into our arms, then I will be worrying forever!  So, it has to start now.  

As we continue to pray over this little life and the coming months of development and growth, We ask that you pray with us.  We will keep you updated as often as possible.  Thank you in advance for your love and support during this terrifying and exciting time.  :)